I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
