So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Im part way to drunk.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
