i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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