You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
