i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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