You're so nebulous sometimes
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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