Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i think my cat just said my name.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
