I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
