My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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