I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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