the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
