Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
