She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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