I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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