no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
