last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
