We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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