I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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