He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
