Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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