Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
