he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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