you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
