i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
