Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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