I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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