I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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