is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
