Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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