god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
