Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
