What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
