So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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