Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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