:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
