so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
