you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
