My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
