All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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