Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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