ya dads aren't the best wingmen
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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