forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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