Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
