I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
