Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's blow job season.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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