We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
