If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We talked him into tasing himself.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
please don't ironically join a cult
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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