I didn't shave. On purpose
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
