East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
