Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
