They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I will pee on everything he values.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
