just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
