The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
