Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
