I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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