Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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