Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
