Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
