I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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