What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
