omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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