The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
